I promise you need to hear this! NOT CLICKBAIT
Let’s talk priorities.
In my last post I mentioned that I had a few realisations after an emotional life coaching session. My life coach grabbed me by the ankles, turned me upside down and shook me so hard that all my crap came falling out. Just like a greedy politician that steals money from others, I was stealing something that wasn’t mine to begin with but that I started assuming I could and should have what I had looted.
A little while after starting working with a life coach (lol actually 4-6 months) I had told people interested in my progress how I was doing. I informed them there had definitely been some progress with my self-esteem and that I had undergone some steady improvements in my overall sense of being; also telling them that I had felt that there was this huge wall stopping me from improving my life exponentially, as if I was stuck in prison and had come up with an escape plan, and in that extricating night as I was getting closer and closer to the wall with the barbed wires I was realising I was just going to grab life by the balls and jump it because I had forgotten to plan for that. I knew that as soon as I had jumped it there would be no turning back, I wasn’t just out on parole, that was it, run or die. The thought of it scared and excited me – I was ready for it. Or was I?
That leap came in the form of my life coach hitting me with a hammer via skype asking me what I done in 23 years that I had been proud of (she wasn’t bullying me don’t worry), the answer to which had been absolutely nothing, the realisation of this unprecedented emotional breakdown that made me realise my priorities. Crap, there was no turning back. It finally got imprinted in my previously hollow head that, hello, there is somebody in there after all whose priority was living. I couldn’t stop myself from actually living and doing the things I wanted anymore. After that I stopped caring that much about what my Uni results, I still want to pass, but I know I’m only doing it so it facilitates getting job in the future (that is what I am telling myself, I’ve got to justify Uni, I can’t handle anymore uncertainty in that area and having parents to deal with).
It is hard for us to admit to ourselves that one day we won’t be here. It certainly was for me. My life coach in the beginning of our coaching together gave me an exercise. It comprise of telling myself everyday for 21 days when I woke up that I was going to die. You’re probably thinking WTF?! Well guys I gotta tell ya it certainly enlightens things a little bit. We will just stop existing at some point, the thing that we have in common with each other is that we have been born and that we will die, so why is it such a massive taboo? Why are we morbid if we are talking about a pivotal point that we will all arrive to eventually? It’s weird not wanting to talk about it. We all like to think that we are going to die when we are 120 years old, in our sleep, with no pain, and at the same time as our loved one. But that’s just not true, we know this, we all know the state of the world right now. Although it isn’t a reassuring thought that we might drop to our grave at anytime today, it is beneficial to be reminded of that every single day. Because it leads to the question WHAT THE F**K HAVE YOU DONE TODAY THAT MAKES YOUR LIFE WORTH LIVING FOR YOU ?!? What have you done today that you love? What have you done today that, well, makes today an OK day to die? Yep this is a morbid thing to ask, but this is reality isn’t it?
And I must emphasise the FOR YOU part. There is no point doing what others want you to do. But to be fair we all have some responsibilities like kids (please don’t start ignoring your kids), and sometimes we do have to live with other people and so need to keep our space clean, and bills to pay etc., yes that is also reality. But you don’t want to spend the majority of your day lending your headspace to others and what they want from you and what they need you to do for them and the things you “have” to do, do you? Will life seem worth it then? No, right? So what are your priorities now?
This actually made me realise that I focused so little on doing what I actually wanted to do and spent most of my days thinking that I had to be focusing on University all day, had to be focusing on the amount of work I had to do all day, and if I wasn’t thinking about work that I wasn’t working hard enough. And it wasn’t even work that I wanted to do. I had to be at University to eventually just be able to put on my cv that I went to University and that makes it easier for me to get a job on what I want to do which is work for a magazine or blog. Another thing this whole thing made me realise is that I don’t have to just do one thing. I don’t have to just aspire to work for a magazine. I can do other things that interest me as well as that. So whilst that doesn’t happen am I just supposed to not have anything else to do? Am I supposed to just werk werk werk werk werk werk for the end goal of working for a magazine? Have such a narrow vision that I can’t see other opportunities that might arise from other things that I like doing? No way hozé (I am aware it’s spelled with a ‘j’ and with an ‘s’)! Imma do whatever the flop I wanna do! And my priorities are my other “hobbies” rather than this degree. If I want to create a recipe I’ll bloody do it (this is very unlikely as I even find the blandest of foods yummy). If I want to become a pro-skipper I’ll just do it (I don’t think this is a thing but I’ll make it a thing because I’m interested in it). If I want to write 1600 words of thoughts like I did with my last post, then I will, aaannd I did. Screw having to be taught to be or do something, screw just having one goal, or maybe screw having a goal, sometimes just living is the best thing you can do for yourself. If I don’t want to do anything that’s great too!
DO WHAT YOU WANT TO DO. PRIORITISE LIVING BECAUSE YOU MAY NOT BE ALIVE BY THE END OF THE DAY. SCREW OUTSIDE PRESSURES AND DO WHAT YOU WISH TO DO TODAY.
Have a Living – hopefully not livid – Day,